10 wine things I hate
I love wine, of course. I like many things about wine and the world of wine. And my list of 10 best wine things will surely follow. But there are 10 things I really really hate...
10. Rachael Ray. Because she is Rachael Ray, food apostle to the defective.
9. TV chefs in general. They treat wine as if it were all "cooking Sherry" circa 1950. Generic slop.
8. Scores in wine shops. Many depend on those shelf-talkers. I walk out and go to a real wine store.
7. Wine snobs. You still run across the guys who always MUST talk about the virtues of a Ch. Mondeguele 1986 vs. 1931 or whatever. Dudes, do you ever drink wine just to enjoy it and to wash down a good meal?
6. Industry icons. Like Nobel laureates for literature, they are either overrated or past it or both. Go gently into that good night, and make it snappy.
5. Cult wines. Do you like being a sheep. Are you ready to be fleeced? What the fuck is wrong with you?
4. Celebrity winemakers. "If this is Tuesday, it must be Argentina." As if we could tell. Or care.
3. eBob cultists. They get so nasty if you even imply a criticism of the sort of wine Himself is reputed to favor. And if you are believed to impugn Himself, fuhgeddaboutit. Armageddon. Note to which: real religions have some form of a Golden Rule. Cults do not.
2. Treatment of bloggers. Hey! We labor in the metaphorical vineyards too. You think it's so easy conforming to self-imposed deadlines? Without pay? Buying our own frickin' vino? Give us a little respect. Quote us, invite us, bestow upon us junkets. We're as corruptible as the best rest of them.
1. Restaurant markups. Come on, already. Don't hide your kitchen's inefficiencies behind elevated wine list prices. And slap your wait staff into line. Their wine knowledge is usually pathetic. They don't know nussink. Now I'm getting really pissed...
Fun list, Terry. I don't blame you for starting here -- it's always way more energizing to think up the "most hated" list than with a serious top ten. I can't say that my list would be identical but your numbers 8, 5 and 4 would certainly be there.
Posted by: David McDuff | August 22, 2007 at 09:00 AM
whoa, get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, did we? Too much Lindsay and Britney? Anyway, the problem with celebrity winemakers is that we CAn tell, because all of their wines taste alike, no matter what country they're in on what day.
Posted by: Fredric Koeppel | August 22, 2007 at 01:40 PM
Actually, I wrote this little poem to dyspepsia last night whilst enjoying that Tiefenbrunner PG. I may have got up on the wrong side of the bed anyhow.
As to the celeb winemakers/consultants, are they to blame for that uniformity? Or are the people who hire them? Or...(see #8 and #3)?
Posted by: Terry Hughes | August 22, 2007 at 02:38 PM
"If this is Tuesday, it must be Argentina."... Standing ovation :D I remember that movie, I wonder how many do...
Posted by: Fiorenzo | August 23, 2007 at 01:23 AM
Caspita, fiorenzo, sei un vecchiotto come me!!
Posted by: Terry Hughes | August 23, 2007 at 06:51 AM
Why did you have to mention Rachel Ray and wine together? Right on post! Enjoy the damned wine and shut up. That's what the real winemakers want us to do. There's way to much fetishism connected with food and wine.
Posted by: Marco | August 23, 2007 at 09:19 AM
I've quoted my brother-in-law before, Marco, when he told me that friends of his in Napa apply a very different strategy when drinking (not tasting!)the wine. One of the highest forms of praise:
"This is good shit."
Of course the problem with that is you have to BE there to get exactly what they mean. If you aren't I guess you're condemned to spinning all those paragraphs of purple prose.
Posted by: Terry Hughes | August 23, 2007 at 05:44 PM
Hi Terence, I wrote a post for Graziablog about celebrity winemakers. I don't like them for a reason: they take advantage from their stardom.
Link to my post in italian: http://tinyurl.com/yvs38v
Posted by: Fabio Ingrosso | August 24, 2007 at 05:13 AM
Fabio, your post and the lively comments are very interesting. Thanks for the link.
However, when we say "celebrity winemakers" in English we are usually referring to the winemakers (or consultants) who have themselves become celebrities, like Rolland, Cotarella etc.
But either way, these "celebrities" do exploit their fame and pass off wine that is usually either too expensive or inferior or both. The complaint against the winemaker-consultants is that the wines their clients make all tastes pretty much the same. This may be unjust, but I for one have had many experiences demonstrating the general truth of the statement. What is your feeling about that?
Posted by: Terry Hughes | August 24, 2007 at 09:39 AM
Terry, I forgot to mention your mention of bloggers and restaurant markups. You're spot on about wine bloggers. They provide invaluable insights into vino. I've learned much more from them than Pope Parker. As for restaurants, they're shooting themselves in the foot. Make your profit and inform people about your wines rather than mark 'em up 400% and provide meager facts about the wines and pairing.
Posted by: Marco | August 24, 2007 at 10:32 AM
Restaurant people at least in the States do a terrible job of selling wine, for the reasons you mention and also because they'll too often take the lead of a liquor distributor rep and order whatever THEY tell them will sell. Or what's really cheap. Yet when you talk to the restaurateurs about a better way of doing this, they give you a fish-eyed stare and that's it. Discussion ovah.
Posted by: Terry Hughes | August 24, 2007 at 10:40 AM