Travels with Daphne. The bitch.

Daphne has been traveling with us. We haven't really liked her. We hate her, actually.

I think she's been taking this trip as a lark, treating it like one long tea break. Falling down on the job. Her job, which is to help us navigate the byways of Veneto and Trentino. She's caused us to spend countless extra and most unnecessary hours in the car, not to mention many euros squandered in gas. She's slow to respond to changes in direction, out of sync with the maps that the It Hurts AlwaysLost system throws up on the display.

If I hear her cool English voice say, one more time, "When possible, make an awwwthorized U turn," I'll go bonkers and drive the car into a ditch or down the side of a picturesque, terraced, vineyarded hillside rather than listen listen to her smug, gloating, tormenting instructions one more time.

And if she belatedly -- as much as ome minute after I have followed her bafflingly ambiguous instructions, like prepare to turn left" when the map shows a right -- if she smarmily intones, "Recalculating route," I'll throw the fucking GPS unit out the window. I'd like to know what her reaction would be THEN.

The only good things to come out of travels wiv ole Daff is we're seeing a lot of alpine scenery hundreds of kilometers from our intended destination AND Jeff and Ken are learning many colorful expressions in Italian, in addition to excersizing similar linguistic muscles in their very rich mother tongue. We try to find the silver lining even whilst lost, late and starved, so veddy far from our appointments.

We'd love you, Daphne, if you weren't such a lazy, incompetent cow.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Comments

[Susannah Gold]

My favorite is svoltare...When was the last time you used that to say turn left or right.

Divertitevi!

[Ronald]

T,
With rains almost everyday, you'll love her even more!
have fun

rain rain go away, come again another day...

[Richard]

I guess you'll appreciate New York taxi drivers more now...

[terence]

You can't fucking understand what they're saying either.

[Jeremy Parzen]

Well, we all know what Apollo did to Daphne when she pissed him off...

Travel safely, TH.

[terence]

@ Ronald...la mignottaccia!!

[Stefano Frega]

THIS is the solution to your problem:
http://tinyurl.com/3sptkf
:-))